I’ve recently had very little to write about. Usually, when I run out of food-related things, I usually turn to semi-angsty posts about friendship, love, and life. But I just haven’t felt the need to express anything through writing, which I usually use as a cathartic exercise. It’s just easier to write when you’re sad, and I just haven’t been.
I think I’ve found myself in an extremely busy time in my life – busy, but content. I know who my friends are, and I know how to deal with the ones that aren’t. I’m in touch with my family, I’m healthy and productive, and I know at this point what I need and how to manage my life. In short, I’m happy.
I still have moments here and there when I have to vent, and I still have moments when all I want to do is sleep. Just because I’m happy, doesn’t mean I’m not sleep-deprived. But all in all, I feel like I have a really good sense of myself. I’m honest with my flaws and confident of my positive traits.
The only thing that makes me somewhat sad these days is the idea that I’m graduating in less than a year from the place that I think played an incredible role in getting me to where I am now. I went through crucial development through my high school years, but I feel like that was a generic sort of growth that everybody experiences in similar ways, whereas in college, people come into their own in more unique ways. It’s like up until college, growth was more standardized, and in college, we are focusing on our personal strengths and weaknesses and honing in on them. That’s kind of a huge generalization, but the point is, my time in college has been incredibly special, and I don’t really want to leave.
However, one of the most important things I learned in my life is that “complacency is dangerous.” And I think what I’ve found is comfort and contentment, which might be a sign that it is time to transition into a new part of my life. Not to say that a person can’t enjoy contentment only temporarily, but I think part of being a happy, fulfilled person is growing in a given time and place, and then moving on to learn something new. This model may not be for everyone, but as someone who is forever curious and hungry (in every sense of the word), I guess I have found the happiness and growth to be found in the bubble of Amherst, and now I have to find the next bubble to fill.
I guess I still have more than a semester left, and I’m being a little too sentimental a bit prematurely, but I’m just protecting myself from the inevitable change to come. Also, it’s amazing what writing can do. I’m pretty sure I just discovered half of the stuff I just wrote while writing…