A grown-up wish list of sorts…
- Wine from real, corked bottles
2. Hangovers that don’t feel like brain aneurysms
3. The end of Trump…off with his toupée!
4. A metabolism that works better than your printer (they always break, am I right??)
5. Fresh poops where you’re down to give the toilet a high-five
6. Men, not asses who decide to go dark once you’ve hooked up with them
7. Women, not dramatic baby chicks that play games. Like literal yellow fluffy chicken-offspring that play Monopoly.
8. Genuine LOLing
9. The ability to post on Instagram more than once a day without shame
10. Cold, not warm, beer
11. Pals that don’t make you feel crazy
12. Full authority over your emotions aka not crying at the drop of a pin
13. Getting sloshed at work events not because you can’t deal with your coworkers but because you want to deal with them
14. Plan C(ondoms) and less Plan B
15. Everything being on fleek/on point
16. Anxiety related to what pizza to order instead of anxiety related to your goddamn phone
17. Real orgasms.